Glad to be Mad

Since I haven't blogged much on my weight loss journey lately, I will give you a quick run down.  For the past several months I have been logging calories on a site called www.myfitnesspal.com.  It really has been an invaluable asset to me.  The site recommends a calorie goal for each day based on my height, weight, and how many pounds I would like to lose per week (1, 1.5, or 2).  I have been following the plan for 1 lb per week and have seen consistent loss.  This, of course, is not counting the month and a half during the holidays that I decided to sabotage myself.  Up until this week, I had not added consistent exercise to the mix. My progress so far is a loss of 18.8 lbs.

This past week, I decided to change my loss goal to 1.5 lbs/wk, which lowered my calorie goal daily.  I have stayed below goal each day.  I have exercised on a regular basis.  I have generally had one of my best weeks of being on target.  I weighed in this morning.  I gained .4 lbs.

I am mad.

Before I go further, let me say, I think I know what my problem was this week.  My sodium intake this week was way too high.  My water intake was way too low.  Flo is on her way to visit and my anxiety this week has been through the roof because of some stressful life events.  I know how all of these factors affect my body personally.  Frankly, I'm surprised the scale wasn't much higher. 

In the past, I would have gotten discouraged by this stall in loss.  I would have said forget it for a day, week, month, 6 months.  I would have gone for some deep fried comfort and then followed it up with excessive amounts of sugar coated sugar. 

Today, I am mad.

I'm not mad at myself.  Am I disappointed that I could have controlled my sodium intake? Sure.  I am choosing to learn from that. I am not going to beat myself up for something in the past.  I am going to use it to change the future.  I'm not mad at circumstances.  Flo is a regular part of my life.  I will just have to learn to look past her side effects.

I am mad in the sense that, I am fired up. I want to do better. I want to see progress. I want to be serious.

I am glad to be mad because it indicates a change in me.  I'm stronger and I didn't even know it.  I'm not feeling defeated and depressed as I used to.  I'm feeling empowered to do better because I know I can. That's a really new feeling to me.  Even through the loss I have had so far, I have not felt this empowered.

Despite the number on the scale, I'm calling this a successful week.  God has opened my eyes to the possibility of being something more if I'm willing.  That's a pretty good feeling.

Goals that are decidely not resolutions

As any good procrastinator would, I have waited until Jan 4 to start thinking about what my resolutions for the new year should be. That is, if I were the type to make resolutions.  I like to think that I'm not that type.  In reality, I am.  My point really is that I make resolutions but I prefer to call them something else so I don't seem quite so traditionally set up for failure.
Now that I have made that as clear as mud, here is my list of goals that are not resolutions for 2012.

**Get organized.
I really want to work on decluttering our home and lives. This is harder for me than it sounds because of the next one.

**Work on expecting less perfection.
I am a perfectionist who gets hung up on the, "if you can't do it right, don't do it" philosophy.  Unfortunately, I rarely have time to "do it right" so, I just don't do.  That is unhealthy.

**Be more intentional about showing grace and love to my spouse and son.
I can admit, many times I fall short.

**Live on a budget and envelope system.
This one is going to be a tough one for me cause I am a tool when it comes to our finances.  I know we can do it though!

**Give myself some time but not too much.
I have to make some time to read, blog, etc. without feeling guilty for doing so.  I also have to be careful to realize that I have work to do!

**Send thank you cards and fill out that baby book!
I make this resolu..I mean..um..goal every year and never follow through!  Fingers crossed that this is the year! L is 3 and has an almost empty baby book! lol!

**Live life more intentionally.
I think this is so all encompasing, there is not much else I can say about it.

Okay, I have to go now.  It's time for me to follow through with the final resolution, I mean GOAL.

**COOK DINNER AT HOME!

Love ya peeps. I raise my sparkling cider to a fabulous 2012 for us both!

Howdy stranger!

Wow.  June.  That was the last time I blogged. June. That's almost 7 months ago!  You must have really missed me. I'm so sorry for putting you through the heartbreak of logging on again and again, only to find that I was still gone. Well, take heart my faithful companion! I have returned!  I will give you a moment to compose yourself...

hhhmmm...

**twiddles thumbs**

**looks at wrist where a watch should be**
 (On a tangent, I look at my left wrist.  I guess because I am left handed.  What wrist do you look at?)

**hums theme to Jeopardy**

Have you gathered yourself? Great.
Moving on.

I have decided to take my blog in a bit of a new direction.  Not necessarily a different one just, well, enhanced. 
In the past, I have pretty much stuck to sharing only about my weight loss.  Honestly, that got boring for me.  There are only so many times that I can blog about doing well (or more often, doing poorly and starting over) before I get a tad bored with repeating myself.  Also, there have been lots of times I wanted to share a favorite craft, activity, recipe, etc. and felt restricted by my own guidelines.  I didn't want to start a second blog because, well, you can see how well I have kept up with just one.  So, here is my solution.  I will share.  Not just about my weight loss (or lack of) but also about the things in my life I love.  Scripture that inspires me.  Songs that make me think. Books I am reading.  Crafts I am making.  Hilarious things my almost 3 yr old, L, is doing.  Crazy things my cats have done.  Places my family goes. Well, you get the point.  Welcome to my new blog and a little touch of my life.  I hope you enjoy the changes to come.

I like to lose it lose it

You, my reader, are one lucky puppy tonight.  You get to be inside the head of this blogger twice in one day! 
"Luck be a lady tonight!"
 I haven't blogged in awhile about my weight loss journey so, I thought I would fill you in.  I have been doing Weight Watchers sporadically since my last post.  I really wasn't having much success with it though.  I was feeling kinda stuck in a rut.  In the meantime my husband, or DH ( I just recently learned that is blog speak for dear husband), has been counting calories.  He has been SUPER determined!
After seeing how successful Josh has been at following a routine of calorie counting, I thought I'd give it a shot.  First of all, it's free.  Weight Watchers is decidedly far from free!  Second of all, I thought it would be nice for us to be following the same type of plan.  It helps us plan meals better and just hold one another accountable. 
So, I joined a site called www.loseit.com.  It really is like a weight loss fb! I'm really liking the new program and I am doing pretty well with it.  I weighed in yesterday and I have lost 4.8 lbs!  Woohoo!  DH weighed in and was down 6!  I think this is going to work!
It is making such a difference to be doing this with DH.  I am so encouraged by his determination and progress and it is nice to be able to keep each other on track.
I'm excited to see what our future holds as skinnier, healthier people!
By the way....my hubby is also blogging about his weight loss and other things.  He is a great writer!  Check him out at easiertoputon.blogspot.com.  You won't be disappointed!
Until we talk again...
"Happy trails to you.  Until we meet again."

loneliness

Do you ever feel alone?  I do.  I know there are people who love me.  I know there are people who care.  Sometimes though, I just feel....lonely.  Like there are few people who actually WANT my company.  Like I'm a backup plan when things fall through, or someone to spend time with when there is nothing else to do and no one else to be with.
"Are you lonesome tonight..."
I know it's not true.  I just hate having that feeling.  Please don't get me wrong.  This is not jealousy.  I'm honestly super happy to see those I love enjoying life with those they love.  I'm just in that lonely sort of mood. Does this make me sound like a desperate weirdo?  I hope not. 
I'm so thankful that there is One who ALWAYS wants my company.  When others fail, He will always remain.  He is my rock.  My fortress.  My supplier.  My best friend.  My comforter.  My provider.  My love beyond all loves.  My confidant.  My solitude.  My refuge.  He's my redeemer!  He is the Alpha and Omega of my life!  I'm so glad Jesus desires my time all the time!

a songless songbird

I don't have any songs tonight.
Why not?
I'm tired.  Plain and simple.  I need to go to bed.  But, coffee, a running mind, and the desire to get something posted has me here.  At 2am.
I'm going to post quickly and then try to force myself to shut my brain down and sleep.
Today was weigh in day!
I was seriously not expecting much.  I tried to make good choices for the most part but, this first week back was hard.  I was taken out to dinner to two FABULOUS restaurants, The Melting Pot and Lottawatta Creek, (I highly recommend both!) and Ted Drewes for dessert and I ate well at each place. :o)
So, I was not anticipating facing the scale.
I was pleasantly surprised to find that I have lost 2.4 lbs the past week.  Woohoo!  My WW meeting was good and very inspiring too.
I am happy with the results of the week.  I felt a slight twinge of guilt for losing after eating out this week when I got home and found out that hubby actually gained a little over a lb. this week.  He has been so dedicated to tracking his calories and walking this week.  I know he was disappointed.  I also know he does not want me to feel guilty for success so, I quickly put my guilt away.  He is such an encourager to me when I do well.  I love that about him!  I just hope to be the same for him.
Oh, and I discovered a new sweet treat that I think will work well for me.  I am a serious chocoholic and sweets lover.  Tonight I found that a shot glass of semi-sweet chocolate chips is just 4 pts.  I can take my time with these and eat one chip at a time.  By the end of the "shot" I was satisfied for my choco craving and felt like I had much more chocolate than I actually did. Yay!
Also, if you like apple pie...The new Jello temptations apple custard pie flavor is FAB!  Yummy!
Okay, that's all for tonight.  I seriously am about to pass out on the compuuuuuuuuuuuuuu


Just kidding!  Good night peeps!

If I was invisible...

Hello there blog world....

Here we are together again a mere 4 months after my last post.  Yes, I said 4 months.  Sheesh.
I stand before you once again admitting to falling.  And this time, it has taken me awhile to get back up.  Seriously, I think for the past couple months I have just thrown caution to the wind. 
I did well on WW for awhile.  I had lost about 15 lbs.  Then I got sidetracked by something and well, it's a slow fade, as the song says.  I slowly faded back into old eating habits and now I am 9 lbs more than my initial starting weight on WW. 
I stopped blogging and I guess I thought if I didn't blog, it didn't matter.  In my head, not blogging made me invisible and I could hide in that deniability.  I could pretend that it wasn't as bad as it was because, I was not having to sit here and tell the truth to myself or anyone else.  (I know there is not a lie detector attached to my blog but, I seriously don't think I could post a lie on here.)  However, I started blogging to be accountable.  I have to be true to that.  So,
I'm back. AGAIN.  I weighed in at WW on Thur. and did a complete restart.  I will conquer this.  It may take some battling and some ups and downs but I know I am more than a conqueror.
A big positive on this time around, my handsome hubby, is uber-motivated himself.  It is really inspiring to see and I want to do well with him.  I think it will make it easier to be accountable to one another with both of us doing something at the same time.   
Alright, enough for now.  Nice to talk to you all again!
Until next time....