31

When I hit 30, it was no biggie.  Everyone makes a big deal about 30.  I never got it.  I wasn't sad or filled with woe and agony.  I enjoyed turning 30.  There were a couple reasons for this...

A)  I wasn't going to be a 20 something anymore!  Nowadays, most people categorize 20-somethings as older teenagers.

  I have never really been known to "act my age."  I despised being lumped into the "oh they are just 20-something kids" category. 

B)  I had a reason to have a birthday party.  When you grow up, people think you are a weirdo if you have parties for any birthday other than the 10s. (30, 40, 50, etc.) That stinks.  I like to celebrate that I'm still alive.

C)  Did I mention I was glad to get away from being called a 20-something? ;o)

Today I turn 31.  I am happy that God has blessed me with another year. God has blessed me with an amazing husband, a spirited and gentle hearted son, a family that loves me, and wonderful friends.  I get to enjoy life at home with my kiddo everyday. I have never had any major illnesses or diseases besides my infertility. I have the privilege of praising Jesus in a church home that I adore.  I truly am very blessed.

I am, however, in a mild state of chagrin. I get the 30 thing now.

 When we are younger, we have this picture of what we would like to happen by the time we are 30.  30 is that magic number we think will bring about smooth sailing because we have spent our time in our 20s "figuring it out."

Guess what. Smooth sailing is something that only happens, WHEN YOU ARE SAILING! In life, there is no smooth sailing.  Life gets choppy.  The wind whips and tosses the waves.  The currents shift. There are rogue waves; giant breaks in the water when it seems like the ocean is finally calm.

Unfortunately, I didn't really "figure out" much of what I was supposed to in my 20s.  Now that I am going to be really IN my 30s, I feel like there is a lot I let myself down on.  There were so many goals and dreams I had that are either no longer plausible or seem so out of reach at the moment.  So, I've given myself some time to grieve the loss of a few dreams and goals.  Today has not been the greatest day.  I woke up feeling all of this and the day went down hill from there.  So, I had yesterday and most of the day today to be sad.  Now, it stops.

When I started this blog entry, I wasn't sure where I was going with it.  In writing it, God has revealed another 31 to me.  Proverbs 31.  Specifically, Proverbs 31:10-31, The Woman Who Fears the Lord.

This is the woman I long to be deep in my soul.  Looking back on all of my lofty goals and ambitions that I wanted to reach by my 30s, well, I can now see that this is what I was really going for.  My heart's desire is to be this type of woman.  I was just trying to make it happen on my own. 

So, here's my plan.  I am putting aside the list of things that I want to happen by the time I am 40.  It's really out of my control anyway.  I have one thing on my list.  Be more like the Proverbs 31 woman.  Show honor and grace to my husband.  Remain faithful. Work hard.  Give more.  Fear less.  Teach kindness and a gentle spirit to my son.  Be strong and stand tall in Christ. Laugh more. 
I'm certain that this is the only goal worth achieving anyway.  All of that other stuff? Well, Christ will open those doors for me when it's time.  As far as for now, I think I will make Proverbs 31:25 my focus. "Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come."  It's time to start laughing.