A flock of seagulls and a cream horn

Hey there friends, family, and everyone in between!  Did you think I ran away?  Gave up?  Forgot that you were here waiting? I didn't forget you although, the running away part, well, we'll get to that.

This is the hard part of putting myself out there to be accountable for my actions.  This is the part where it would be really easy to just stop blogging and go on my hefty way.  I'm gonna be honest here.  I don't want to be sitting here typing this blog.  I want to ignore it until things are all hunky dorey better and I can tell you all of the great things I am accomplishing through my weight loss journey.  So, for the past week and a half, I ran.  I ran from being held accountable. 

 .....I rannnn....I ran so far away....I just raaaan...I ran all night and day....I couldn't get away....

Unfortunately, like Flock of Seagulls just told you, I couldn't get away.  God laid this blog on my heart so that I would remain accountable for my actions.  It's not a good idea to run from an instruction God is giving you people!  So, here I am.

Let me fill you in on the past couple weeks.

About 2 weeks ago, Josh and I got some unpleasant news.  I'm not going to go into any more detail than that but I will just say, it really was not good news.  I have been stressed, sick, worried, upset, sad, angry, emotional at different times since then. 

Now, before I go any further, I do want to take a side step and say, I have hope and know that God is working all things for good in our situation.  I have faith that all will be well.  God has a plan to prosper us, not harm us.  However, having hope and faith doesn't mean that I am going to have a smile plastered on all the time.  It means that at the end of the day, none of those emotions matter cause God's got our back and he holds our future in his hands. 

Here's the kicker.  I am an emotional eater.  I am REALLY an emotional eater.  I get too stressed and want to hide from it, I have cake.  I get sad or angry, I crave sweets.  I am really really working on overcoming my tendency to go to food for comfort. Unfortunately, life hit really hard and I failed miserably at it this time.  For the past two weeks, I completely derailed.  I have had just about all sweet things and carbs I could get my hands on.  I feel miserable for it. 

Since I am really trying to be transparent here, I will even share my low point.  (Although it is really embarrassing and I don't want to!)  There was one night this past week that I had to go grocery shopping after the monkey was in bed.  I walked around in the bakery section for probably 20 min at the store.  Fighting with myself in my head.  It went something like this.  I want that package of cream horns.  No, you don't need them dummy!  But, I will stop after just one.  No, you don't even need one!  But, I'm so stressed out and I deserve to reward myself and make myself feel better.  FINE.  Have it your way.  You'll be sorry.
Warning sounds were going off in my head....ERRRR.....ERRRRR.....ERRRR....WARNING....BAD CHOICE APPROACHING....ERRRRR.....ERRRR......ERRRR.....I bought the dumb cream horns anyway!


.....another one bites the dust......

I took them home, sat my fluffy butt on the couch and ate one, then two, then three, then I was crying.  Sobbing.  Enter my sweet husband.  What's wrong????  I sobbed something about being a loser with no self control.  I didn't want to eat the stupid cream horns.  Why couldn't I just stop myself!?!  I cried for a long time that night.

I'd like to say that the next day, I got up, dusted off and jumped right back on the healthy train.  I didn't.  It takes awhile to get a derailed train back on the tracks.  I've really been praying, reflecting since that night.  I know why I didn't stop.  I AM NOT A LOSER.  I was just making a bad choice.  A bad choice to believe the lies that Satan was placing in my head.  The truth?  I don't have control.  But God does.  And he will help me if I let him.  When I try to control things on my own, even with my eating habits, I end up crying in a pile of cream horn crumbs. 

So, tomorrow is a new day and I will start anew.  Like I said before, I'm not giving up this time.  It would be so easy to just sit stagnant in my bad choices and say, well, this is just me.  I know that is not the truth.  God made me to be more than a conqueror.  I am going to conquer this no matter how long it takes or how many times I have to dust the crumbs off and get back up. 

Life is hard, but God is good

Hey friends!  I'm sorry I haven't posted in awhile.  Life has hit hard in the past week and I just haven't felt like getting on here. 
I'm gonna keep this post pretty short and simple.  Not much singing tonight cause I am too tired! haha!

We have had some stressful events in our life this week.  I am a stress eater. I am REALLY a stress eater.  When I get upset or anxious, I eat.  Yes, I know I shouldn't.  Yes, I am trying to learn how to control it.  Yes, you can not build an empire in a day.  It is taking time to learn control.  This week I have lost control a few times.  I have not, however, given up.  And I won't.

Monday was weigh in day and I did weigh in.  I lost 3 more lbs!!  I was astonished and very happy.  It is so exciting to see the number of lbs to go diminishing on my lilyslim ticker at the top of this blog!

I'm not going to let our circumstances right now sabotage my success in this journey.  This is one thing I can control and you bet your butt (or mine, haha) I'm going to do what I can to control it.

Thanks for your continued support friends and thank you for your prayers. 

Life is hard sometimes, but my God, He is always good!